Prohibited 2:Illicit Affairs(5)

By: Donnee Patrese

I took a deep breath and placed both hands on my hips.

“How did you know I would answer the door?” I questioned.

He smiled, this time showing all his pearly whites.

“I didn’t. It was just my good luck.”

His good luck was my bad luck. The way I was feeling, I really didn’t need him here. I was feeling low and vulnerable and if my past history is any proof, whenever I felt this way, I never made the best choices.

He patted the spot on the couch next to him and motioned for me to have a seat. I declined and stood my ground.

“I have nothing to say to you.”

I tried not to focus on how good and manly he looked leaning leisurely on my couch with blue jeans on and a plain white T-shirt that hugged him in all the right places.

He stood at that moment and approached me. When he got too close for comfort, I tried to take a step back. He grabbed my arms and pulled my body against his.

His heart was beating profusely and his breathing was strained. I could see he was having a hard time being so close to me.

I made another attempt to pull myself from his grasp but he held me firmly.

“I think that you have a lot to say to me,” he said “and I want to hear it all.”

He moved from holding my arms to wrapping his arms around my waist.

I made no attempts to move.

“When you’re done,” he said moving his face closer to mine. “I hope you will listen to what I have to say.”

We just stood there staring into each other’s eyes. I missed him holding me so much. I never stopped loving Michael and having him here so close brought back feelings I have been trying to avoid for the past few months.

He blocked my rational thought process by leaning in and placing his lips directly on mine. My body, despite opposition from my brain, I gave in to my heart and I melted against him. He used his tongue to part my lips and with no effort he found my tongue waiting for his. My hands caressed his face. He held me tighter and kissed me hungrily.

Before it could go any further, I jerked backwards almost tripping over my small side table. He reached out to grab me and I yanked my arm from his grasp.

“No,” I said walking past him to curl up on the couch. I squeeze my pillow as if it would protect me.

He sighed and stood there for a second. I’m not sure what he was doing or thinking but it seemed like he was trying to regain his composure.

Finally he turned back to stare at me. My heart began to beat violently in my chest like it wanted to break free, run and hide. My brain felt the same way.

It was the first time they had ever agreed on anything.

He approached the couch and sat down on the opposite end. He stared at me for a second then he leaned back and stared at the wall. Without looking at me he began to speak.

“Twenty five years ago, I was young yet ready to settle down to start a family. Not in a million years I would have guessed my marriage would end like this.”

I didn’t say a word. I knew him well enough to know it was better for me to just sit and listen.

He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest.

“I know you’re upset with me. I deserve it. But I felt I couldn’t just throw away 25 years of marriage without trying. I needed to make a sacrifice.”

“So you sacrifice me?” I asked already knowing the answer.

He finally turned and looked at me. His green eyes were dark and anxious. There was a hint of pain there too. I could see it

I looked away.

“Maxi, there has never been a doubt in my mind that I love you. I have loved you, wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you.”

He unfolded his arms and moved a little closer.

“Letting you go was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and now I have nothing to show for it.”

He ran his fingers through his hair.

“I’m going through a nasty divorce. I have one son refuse to speak to me, one son that refuses to speak to anyone and the love of my life punishing me for being a coward. Not willing to take that leap into her arms. On top of that…I’m alone.”

He sighed and I could see how all this is was taking a toll on him. He looked like a defeated man and when he confessed he was alone I could feel it was the first time he had admitted this to himself.

To be honest, I understood why he made the choices he made. Yet, I have spent months punishing him. Is that why I was sleeping with Mikey? I knew deep down Mikey was the main reason I was avoiding Michael. Yet now, I wonder what he would do if he found out about us.

We sat in silence until he finally stood and headed for the door.

“I’m sorry,” he said “I shouldn’t have barged in like this. I’m just going to go.”

I’m not sure where the words came from but I just didn’t want him to leave