It's Not Right...but It's Okay

By: Anuj Tiwari


It is known that first loves are always about overwhelming emotions. The second tests our maturity. The third, however, is always a compromise.

It’s a cold Sunday morning and she is lying in bed, curled up within the confines of her blanket. Though awake, she doesn’t want to get out of bed. She wonders what is wrong with her life. She rarely drinks but last night when her friend came over with some vodka, she could not control herself. Eventually, she slept off in her balcony and woke up cold and shivering. Her room feels strange now, strewn with cigarette butts and empty bottles.

The sun is pouring in through the gaps in the curtains. She hasn’t slept properly in days, but she manages to get up and clean her room.

The birds are chattering and the morning has begun its many activities, yet everything seems gloomy to her. She tries to divert her mind by finding reasons to help herself get through the sadness, but fails time and again. She goes back to the balcony to get some air and looks into the distance. Thoughts flood her mind. Thoughts she doesn’t want to listen to.

Does everyone go through this phase in life or is it just me who is suffering?

When we run away from things, they just seem to haunt us and never really leave.

She begins thinking about the past. There are so many memories, ones which made her happy. Yet the overpowering memories are the ones associated with negative emotions. She thinks of her present, the frustrations which seem to have gripped her life. She is tensed. Her head is aching.

I can have a better future. I can. My past doesn’t rule my future.

These are words Arjun has taught her. But somehow, these powerful words wilt in front of her present. Her friends have been supportive of her, asking her to be strong, but she cannot find a reason to go on.

Am I responsible for all that has happened to me? Will this affect my family and friends? I cannot afford to trouble them anymore. I have messed up too many times in the past. I deserve nothing better.

She lights a cigarette and takes a long puff, stubbing it within moments.

It’s tough for me, I can’t live like this. If I want to survive I need to consult a psychiatrist. Otherwise, it’s not worth living.

Life has not been kind to her. She understands this. She looks up and then looks down four floors. She sits softly on the railing and sticks one leg out. Suddenly her cellphone rings. It is Arjun. She ignores the call. She closes her eyes and takes a long breath.

‘I am sorry,’ she murmurs.

Suddenly she hears a known voice from behind.

‘What the heck are you doing?’ Charu rushes to be by her side and pulls her inside. ‘What do you think you are doing?’

Charu makes her sit on a chair near the balcony and holds her tightly. She bursts into tears within seconds.

‘Everything will be fine. We all are with you,’ she assures her, before taking her inside the room.

Life is all about perspective. Is it not?

A Suspicious Mother

Arjun has just turned twenty-six and she thinks he has matured quite a bit in the last few years. His sense of humour is something she does not appreciate. In fact, she also does not like the female friends he has and becomes especially uncomfortable with the ones who pamper him. She is, after all, an Indian mother who cares too much and sometimes can be quite possessive. But he is not some playboy. He is a genuine person with whom people like spending time, especially because he is funny. However, for mothers, insecurity remains a constant companion.

Arjun’s loving family constantly worries about his marriage. They believe in girls getting married by twenty-one and boys by twenty-five according to the Social Opinion Factor (SOF). He is an eligible bachelor in every way.

Arjun thinks that in life, one’s purpose is to make others happy. However, he doesn’t have many close friends because he cannot find many people who share his wavelength. Sometimes he wonders if there is a problem with his attitude. His closest friends have assured him it is not. He keeps a positive attitude towards life and is a good listener. He manages his time well. He is well informed and one cannot deny his logic in an argument. He believes that everything happens for a reason; and sometimes these reasons emerge out of our own actions. Sometimes they are good, and sometimes they are bad.