By: Kivrin Wilson

It doesn’t work. So I reach for my nightstand drawer instead, digging around until my hand closes around the familiar, oblong object. I’m awake early and have nowhere to be. Might as well take care of business.

Isn’t that what your vibrator is for?

That’s right, Jay. That is what my vibrator is for. My vibrator doesn’t do complicated. It doesn’t judge. Doesn’t ask questions. Doesn’t need anything from me except batteries. It exists only to make me feel good. Maybe I should rethink who I call my best friend, because my vibrator is a pretty amazing friend.

I flop over onto my back and shimmy out of my panties, leaving my lacy sleep tank on. When I press the power button and the buzzing starts, my muscles go liquid and all is right with the world again. It’s as if I have a Pavlovian response to that low hum—instant pleasure just at the sound of it.

Now nothing exists except the pulsations on my clit, the slow build, the pressure I keep light to make it last. Just me, making myself happy. Closing my eyes, I try to make my mind go blank. No thinking, only feeling.

But my imagination has different ideas. Suddenly, I can feel his lips on my skin, an open-mouthed kiss right where my neck meets my collarbone. He moves down, draws in a nipple, and my shuddering and gasping for breath is very much real.

The fantasy takes over, swallows me up. It’s not the purring head of the vibrator that’s rubbing against me, it’s Jay’s tongue. In my thoughts I’m looking down to where my knees are spread wide, where Jay is watching me intently while he’s mouth-fucking me, glacier-blue eyes locked with mine. My lower body is off the edge of the bed, and he’s kneeling on the floor, my feet braced on his shoulders. His biceps are flexing as he supports my legs, his fingers digging into my thighs—and oh, God.

I’m coming harder than I usually do like this. The climax shudders through me, shocks of electricity bursting from one nerve ending to the next, and I arch my back off the bed as it goes on and on…and on.

When the orgasm finally subsides, I release a shuddering breath and roll over on my side. Closing my eyes, waiting for my heartbeat to slow.

Okay. So yeah, I don’t need a guy to get off. This way is definitely easier.

So I’m jeopardizing our friendship for what, exactly?

I just don’t know.

Somehow I manage to get out of bed without picking up my cell phone where it’s been charging on my nightstand. I need some coffee before I check and confirm that he didn’t text me in the middle of the night with an apology and a change of mind.

It’s probably not going to be a great weekend.

It’s 10:37 p.m. Is Jay still at the hospital? I have no idea. His shifts end at nine o’clock, but he never leaves until he’s wrapped up all his cases and written the reports. Which means the twelve hours he’s supposed to work often turns into fourteen or fifteen. Residency sucks.

My day was pretty uneventful. Went grocery shopping. Cleaned my apartment. Hit the gym in the late afternoon, and when I got home, my sister, Paige, called, so I talked to her for a while. My big sister is an attorney who’s married to another attorney, and this lawyerly relationship has spawned two kids so far, with a third on the way.

And that’s why she called me, to tell me they found out my nieces are getting a little brother. Which is, of course, really exciting. But for some reason, Paige didn’t sound that enthusiastic. I guess by the third child, finding out the gender of the baby’s not that thrilling anymore?

That doesn’t sound right, though. In my job, I see women in various stages of pregnancy every day, and when a patient is clearly less than eager, it usually means she got knocked up on accident. There’s no way that applies to my sister, however. She only ever does things on purpose.

After saying good-bye to her, I shot off a text to ask Grandma what she was up to, since I had my phone out anyway and hadn’t talked to her in a couple of days. As usual, she answered almost right away. She’s highly tech savvy, Lily Waters, especially for a woman who’s turning eighty in just a few weeks—a birthday my family is throwing a small surprise party for, despite Grandma having declared she doesn’t want one.

We messaged each other for a while, and she told me she’s had a cold all week but that it wasn’t that bad and she was still going to play in her poker club’s big Spring Fling tournament tomorrow. Which made me smile. Guess I know where I got my competitiveness from.

After that, I heated leftovers for dinner and watched Netflix while I ate. I briefly considered watching House, M.D. without Jay, even though it’s a show we’ve been watching together. That’d be appropriate punishment for the way he ran out of here yesterday and how he’s ignored me today, right? But in the end I decided not to be that petty and immature.