I'm Only Here for the Beard(3)

By: Lani Lynn Vale

Then I closed my eyes.

“You’re moving?”

I cracked open one eyelid and stared at the big man across the room.

“Yep,” I confirmed.

“When?” he asked.

I let my eye fall closed. “As soon as fucking possible. Somewhere where I can freakin’ breathe.”

Then I passed out, missing the hurt that crossed over both PD’s and my best friend’s faces.

Prologue II

Women are basically natural disasters with tits.

-Sean’s secret thoughts


“This isn’t about you, it’s about me.”

Wasn’t that the quintessential line that every person used just before they broke up with their significant other?

Was I damaged? Was I that man who was destined to never have a woman who stayed with him?

I was a man who drank too much, laughed too loud and loved hard. That was why when I found a woman that I wanted to hang my hat up with, I put my all into it.

And always failed.

It didn’t matter if it was good and we hadn’t had a single hiccup. If there was a way to ruin the relationship before it even really came to fruition, I could do it. I have never, not once, been able to have a healthy relationship.

I thought I had that with Ellen, but here she was, proving me wrong.

Not even five seconds ago she’d told me that she couldn’t do this anymore. That I was a good guy and that I deserved someone who could love me for me.

At least she didn’t know that this was my fourth such breakup, or she would’ve felt even worse.

And I could tell she felt bad about it.

“Is there someone else?” I found myself asking.

I shouldn’t have asked that. But there was always someone else.

Someone was always better than me, and to be honest, I was fucking tired of being second best.

Just fucking once I wished I could find a woman who wanted me for me.

I held up my hand. “Don’t answer that.”

I knew there was. I didn’t miss the covert glances that she and Jessie James, the newest member of The Dixie Wardens MC Alabama Chapter, tossed each other.

I didn’t miss the way Ellen always asked about him, or he about her.

Fuck me, but I was so fucking over it.

It was good that she’d called it off. I wouldn’t have done it. I would’ve just stayed in a miserable relationship for eternity if it meant having someone there who cared about me.

But caring about someone and being in love were two different things, and I needed to realize that or I’d lose myself.

Ellen snapped her mouth shut and nodded once.

And without another word, I walked out and didn’t look back.

Chapter 1

Women do not want to hear an apology while your penis is still inside their sister. Take it out first.

-Pro Tip


I rode my bike up to the spot where I usually parked and cursed when I went to turn in because a car was parked there.

“What the fuck?” I grunted behind my helmet. “That’s my spot.”

Okay, it wasn’t actually my spot, but I’d been parking there for the last four years, each and every time I came to work.

Placing both feet onto the ground, I walked the bike backward and put it into the spot across from my usual and shut it off.

My helmet was the next thing to go, and I sighed when the open wind hit my overheated face.

Fuck, it was hot for the last day of October!

Shouldn’t it be cooler already?

“Workin’ out today?” a colleague, Randa McCullen, asked as she started walking toward her car.

I looked over at Randa, the basic EMT, and nodded. “Already done.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “Figures.”

Then she walked straight to her car. Once there, she got in, waved goodbye, and closed the door before backing out of the spot and rocketing out of the parking lot.

I guess that meant she was ready to go.

Certainly would’ve wished I was leaving instead of just arriving.

Though, that was my usual lately.

I was working too much. The station I was working in for Allegiance Health was short staffed, and they mandated that every able-bodied paramedic had to work overtime whether they wanted to or not.

The only good thing I could say about my shift was that they ran a double medic truck instead of a single medic and a basic EMT. Otherwise I’d be so fuckin’ tired from doing everything on every call while I was on shift that it’d be nearly impossible to hold down a job here.

Though, the pay was better than most.

Although, that wasn’t saying much seeing as I made about four bucks over minimum wage, and I was working my ass off for it.

Every time I arrived for my shift, I couldn’t come up with a single reason why I was doing this fucking job.

But get me in the back of an ambulance, and I forgot that my job sucked for the hour that it took to take the call.