By: Ashley Wheels


Matt, just … I love you. Always and forever.

Aden Lowe, Big Brother… without you this wouldn’t have happened, in more ways than one, you know. You’ve taught me so much. Thank you for the endless encouragements to continue writing even when I was bawling my eyes out in frustration. And most of all, thank you for being you. Love you, Big Brother.

Mom, I accomplished another goal, aren’t you proud? LOL. (Means... Laugh Out Loud) Just put this on a shelf, I’m not sure you can handle reading it.

The girls in the Lowe-Down fan group, thank you for embracing me in this new adventure of being a solo author. You’ve been there for me, as Aden’s assistant, then his co-author, and now on my own on the side too. It means the world to me. Love you girlies!

Aden Lowe, Winter Travers, Marie James, L. Wilder, and Jordan Marie have been a few of the authors that have spent some of their precious time, giving me advice and encouragements along the way as I decided to write. I can’t thank you enough.


This is for YOU. Remember when you’re at the lowest and the pain is too much to endure, that those around you are there for you. You deserve their love, just as much as you love them. Don’t question it, please.

And when I’m gone… just listen to that soft voice, I’ll always be there. I love you, too.

Without suffering, there’d be no compassion.

- Nicholas Sparks


Chalk -

Have you ever cared for someone so much it hurt? Loved them so much you couldn't even describe it? Scared you to your core? What if you were too scared to let them know how important they were to you?

Afraid of what they might say because you aren't a good person? You’ve killed, kidnapped, sold drugs and so many other things. Things you aren’t proud of, but can’t undo, no matter how much you might wish now that you know a feeling you never thought you would.

What if you waited too long and now they're gone forever, but you'll never be the same?

Well that happened to me.

This is the story of how one innocent girl changed my life forever, and one beautiful woman helped me survive the pain.

Chapter One


10 years ago - 23 years old

Damn noise dug through the nice sleep I had going on. "Chalk, wake the fuck up. Vince is calling for church in five minutes," Brax yells from just outside the door of my room.

Groaning, I wake up, but then the weight of something hot and heavy on me starts my heart thudding in my chest. What the fuck? A flashback from last night instantly hits me, the image of a sexy as hell mouth on my cock, sucking me dry. Oh yeah, I’m not alone. Shit, I do not have time for the half hard-on that image causes.

I push the arm of the chick off me. Fuck, I can’t even remember her name, and I don't care. It doesn't matter, since I won't do her again. The damn bitch grabs at me tighter, just as I'm about to reach for my boxers. She has a hold on me like I'm her fucking teddy bear, or some shit.

I give her a rough shake and wait until she opens her eyes. “It’s time to go. See yourself out.” Harsh? Maybe. Do I give a fuck? Hell, no.

She sits up with a pout, letting the sheet drop to flash her tits in my face. Almost made me wish things were different. “I’ll wait here for you, babe. We can have a repeat of last night.”

“No, I don’t do repeats, ever. Now get out. You’d better be gone before I get back.” As much as I might like to have that sweet mouth on me again, it’s a rule that I don’t intend to break anytime soon. No second nights ever. My one night only rule is to prevent bitches from getting attached. Fucking whores blow a guy twice and they think it's a fucking relationship.

Damn it, what the hell is up with Vince? Always calling church meetings at the crack of dawn. I just passed out maybe three hours ago. Know damn well it can't be past five a.m. yet. And, sure enough, when I make it to the dresser where my watch waits, I'm right. Five o'clock exactly.

A glance at the pile of clothes on the floor reminds me I need to do laundry soon. Hate that shit. Wonder if one of the girls will do it for me? I find the least dirty pair of jeans and pull them on. Only takes a second to grab my cut, tuck my gun into my belt, and head to the meeting room.


The funny part of a room full of sleepy, hungover bikers is the absolute silence. Nobody even groans.

Vince comes in and takes his seat at the head of the table. Wide awake as always. Fucker never sleeps. "Everyone here? I know this is an ungodly hour, but it's important and couldn't wait." His glare touches every damn one of us, daring us to bitch about the time. Nobody does.

He could say that ungodly part again, although it always makes me smirk considering nothing godly is ever talked about here.